Actually I feel this is gonna be a bilangual entry again, somehow I just can’t decide now which language to use…. Let’s start with German, usually I’m gonna change into English after some (short) time

Heute war wieder einer der Tage, die man am liebsten schon morgens abhaken würde. Einmal im Bett umdrehen, weiterschlafen, die Wärme genießen, das Gefühl, nichts machen zu müssen außer vielleicht Einkaufen, und abends dann schön Fernsehen. Erst der nächste Tag geht dann wieder weiter mit Terminen, Besuchen, Anrufen, Kommunikation, all diesen alltäglichen, menschlichen Handlungen und Bedürfnissen.
In der Pflege werden diese Dinge, die menschlichen Bedürfnisse, in 13 Hauptteile eingeteilt, die quasi die Basics fürs Überleben darstellen. Grundbedürfnisse, um einigermaßen respektvoll, würdevoll und gesund leben zu können. Bitte hier gucken, da gibts die 13 Dinge nach Frau Krohwinkel aufgeschlüsselt und erklärt.
Ich fand es sehr interessant, über diese Dinge zu erfahren, da doch schon mehr zum Leben gehört als Essen, Trinken, der Toilettengang und Schlafen… Kommunikation, Umgang mit anderen Menschen, Interaktion, Respekt erfahren, eine Person sein, all das macht einen Menschen aus und lässt ihn sich erst komplett fühlen, wenn er all dies (und hoffentlich noch viel, viel mehr!) immer wieder erfahren darf und andere erfahren lässt.

Ich habe mir letzten Mittwoch durch einen sehr unglücklichen Zufall beide Knöchel verbrannt und laboriere nun an Verbrühungen des Grades 2a herum… Wieder so eine Erfahrung, die man einmal macht und daraus für sein Leben lernt. Wenn man mein letztes Jahr betrachtet, hätte es eigentlich besser da hinein gepasst, aber naja, eventuell gehts ja dieses Jahr so weiter mit lehrreichen Erfahrungen, immerhin würde ich es mir sehr wünschen. Nur müssen diese Erfahrungen zum Glück ja nicht immer nur negativer Art sein
Mein Doktor war heute verschnupft, als ich meinen Verband wechseln lassen wollte. Ließ also seine Sprechstundenhilfen die Arbeit machen, die wusste teilweise noch nichtmal, wie man eine Brandblase richtig eröffnet, ohne mich abzustechen… Er stand, Taschentuch als Maske über die Nase gestülpt, in der Ecke und gab das von sich, was meine Mutter wohl „unqualifizierte Kommentare“ nennen würde. Eine sehr interessante Situation, die ich gern weiter beschreiben würde, wenn es nich doch etwas schmerzhaft war, um weiter auf die Interaktion (siehe oben, dieser Verweis macht mich grad glücklich!) zwischen dem Personal und dem Chef einzugehen, aber allein die Kommunikationsebene war schon sehr klar gesetzt, man merkte deutlich, was der eine vom anderen hielt. Gibts auch nicht oft, dass das so offen und unverhohlen gezeigt wird. Mag auch daran liegen, dass bald Mittagspause war, wer weiß…

On my way back from the med aid to my home I thought about what I needed to buy, you know, like the real urgent stuff. So I went to Schlecker, a local drug store, got myself some (in fact, some more) vaseline which I shall apply on the damaged parts of the ankles if I follow my doctor’s advice.
After that the pain started again and I was more than happy to be home again, but nonetheless had this little voice inside telling me „You URGENTLY need bread and vegetables and some other food“…
So I motivated myself again for 4 long hours and got up again at 6pm to go to the local grocery store. Before, I had to swallow some little pain killers called Ibuprofen, otherwise I wouldn’t have stand the pain and needed to return home with nothing but myself…
Luckily the pain was relieved a little and I was able to get the stuff I needed. I felt like a little superhero when I returned home, just for standing the pain and being able to manage it mostly myself.
It’s the little things that make you (and me and everyone else) happy, isn’t it?

Now, lying in bed and letting the day pass by again, I feel like I made something out of this day and that makes me feel a tiny little bit proud of myself. But so much for my ego. Should be enough, right? I know.

Tomorrow’s gonna be a very, very lazy day, the burnt areas are gonna smell fresh air again and maybe get some watering as well, though I don’t know yet if I really feel able to do it, somehow I’m afraid of the pain that might occur…
Let’s take the night to rethink it and see what tomorrow brings.

Stay tuned and stay safe!

Blog entry first written on Nov 24, 2.24am

You could probably call my last months like this. I had to readjust to a extremely wide range of new situations, much more than I thought I would have to deal with, actually.

Firstly, I had to find myself again after having had some very unexpected situations connected with and concerning my relationship. It took me a very long time to get back on my feet again and to find my own pride again, my own self, my soul… It’s weird to think about this now, because lately I had some situations, e.g. when I would sit in the tram on my way back to my place-to-stay at that moment and suddenly would become very, very sad, from one moment to the other. I cannot explain this or name special occasions as to when this would probably happen again, kind of trying to predict it, no. It’s happening all of a sudden, and the sadness doesn’t care in which situation I’m in (would be funny)….it just happens. I guess it’s a sign that I finally start concluding this chapter of my life and finish the relationship for myself, too. You know, I didn’t cry since I broke up. Somehow I just couldn’t. I’d love to do it sometime, just to let out all the sadness and hurt and anger and get rid of them, show them. I’d really love to do it. And it’d be good if I could. But I just can’t. Nobody knows why.

What really helps me through is to know that my friends are there for me, that I can rely on my family and that there maybe is someone even more important than all those mentioned before. At least he could become more important, that is.

Because I didn’t get a place in university neither, I had to reconsider this issue, too. Now I’m looking forward to do a class to become a nursing helper, it starts in roughly 6 hours, and I’m quite excited and nervous too, remember, I did this some months ago the last time, and gosh, when was the last time I actually had to LEARN something? Probably way back in school in 2007, when I had to learn maths and stuff. It’ll be fun and exhausting I hope, everything else would be a waste of time and money. I need this learning and working again, I feel. Should be worth some Euros!
So, luckily I found a space for me already again, will move in in middle December, and I’m enjoying planning the interior design and furniture of the rooms all by myself, with nobody telling me what to do and what not to do. Okay, I could get advice from friends, but I don’t have to listen to them in the end, do I? See, and that’s a real advantage of being all on your own. Nobody talking you into stuff you don’t really want, nobody complaining about your choices because you’re the only one who has to live there, and finally: simply being independent!

Stay tuned. And keep thinking positive! After some dark time the sun always comes through…

I’m lying in bed, not able to sleep, and trying to calm myself down. Somehow this whole summer made an total mess out of me.
First I finished my social service, then took a job as an helping nurse in the pediatric psychiatrics. I had to quit it due to massive abuse of my workforce and some problems with my boss as well.
Next thing going on is the current application for university, psychology is my chosen subject. Anyway, it’s gonna be a hard time until that special day when I’m finally going to know where to go and what to do the next months, years even.
It’s simply waaaay too much for me to take. Somehow it just doesn’t feel right, I should say, something’s substantially missing in my life right now. There’s only this tiny, small, but still not-to-be-neglected hole which I apparently cannot fill at the moment.
Basically, nothing really satisfies me anymore. Now I don’t expect someone out there to give me clues or offer help as to what I should do next. Just needed to get it off my mind and, literally, chest.
By now it’s nearly 2am, and as I’m listening to Incubus – Dig, my mind seems to be able to get sleepy…
Tomorrow’s gonna be Obama Day here in Berlin, I’m really looking forward to finally hearing him delivering one of his famous speeches. Maybe we’ll get there early enough to see him, too, who knows?
So, I guess, that’s it for tonight.
Take care, stay safe and see you soon

Oh, and don’t tell me, writing on an iPod Touch ain’t working, it does!! This whole entry was written using the WordPress App, and it works just fine!