Blog entry first written on Nov 24, 2.24am

You could probably call my last months like this. I had to readjust to a extremely wide range of new situations, much more than I thought I would have to deal with, actually.

Firstly, I had to find myself again after having had some very unexpected situations connected with and concerning my relationship. It took me a very long time to get back on my feet again and to find my own pride again, my own self, my soul… It’s weird to think about this now, because lately I had some situations, e.g. when I would sit in the tram on my way back to my place-to-stay at that moment and suddenly would become very, very sad, from one moment to the other. I cannot explain this or name special occasions as to when this would probably happen again, kind of trying to predict it, no. It’s happening all of a sudden, and the sadness doesn’t care in which situation I’m in (would be funny)….it just happens. I guess it’s a sign that I finally start concluding this chapter of my life and finish the relationship for myself, too. You know, I didn’t cry since I broke up. Somehow I just couldn’t. I’d love to do it sometime, just to let out all the sadness and hurt and anger and get rid of them, show them. I’d really love to do it. And it’d be good if I could. But I just can’t. Nobody knows why.

What really helps me through is to know that my friends are there for me, that I can rely on my family and that there maybe is someone even more important than all those mentioned before. At least he could become more important, that is.

Because I didn’t get a place in university neither, I had to reconsider this issue, too. Now I’m looking forward to do a class to become a nursing helper, it starts in roughly 6 hours, and I’m quite excited and nervous too, remember, I did this some months ago the last time, and gosh, when was the last time I actually had to LEARN something? Probably way back in school in 2007, when I had to learn maths and stuff. It’ll be fun and exhausting I hope, everything else would be a waste of time and money. I need this learning and working again, I feel. Should be worth some Euros!
So, luckily I found a space for me already again, will move in in middle December, and I’m enjoying planning the interior design and furniture of the rooms all by myself, with nobody telling me what to do and what not to do. Okay, I could get advice from friends, but I don’t have to listen to them in the end, do I? See, and that’s a real advantage of being all on your own. Nobody talking you into stuff you don’t really want, nobody complaining about your choices because you’re the only one who has to live there, and finally: simply being independent!

Stay tuned. And keep thinking positive! After some dark time the sun always comes through…